Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I have been thinking about expectations. Expectations I put on myself and expectations I project onto others. Like most people I put high expectations on myself, but never seem to cut myself some slack... EVER! It's almost as if I put almost unmanageable obstacles in front of me too. Self sabotage.

And other people. I expect them to be like me. But not everyone is and it turns out that's a really good thing. Because of past hurt, I have narrowed down the "requirements" to be my friend to such a short list, I'm not allowing myself to get to know some really great people.

I've been worried about others judging me for now being married twice. I listen to conversations people have and if they refer to someone "on their THIRD marriage", it's almost always with contempt in their voice. But I find myself viewing others with contempt too. I used to be of the vein that I could never judge someone unless I walked a mile in their shoes. As life meandered on, it dawned on me that everything I had judged anyone for, had indeed landed in my lap. I think God must be tapping His foot and wondering, "When the heck are you going to stop the judgement?! Are we DONE now?"

I have expected anyone I've trusted, even as a friend, to betray me eventually. And those I have chosen to trust, were not trustworthy. Most showed me that though, early on but I chose to ignore it. It's awful sometimes to have hindsight, it really doesn't need glasses at all. RATS!

It was a year since our backyard reception on Canada Day weekend. It came and went and I enjoyed the company of friends both new and old.

My training is flailing but I have not given up! I have visited the doc for some physical health issues and I'm back on track! Turns out I may be gluten intolerant but the doc has to verify.

It is so hot outside I am more paranoid about The Wonderdog overheating than getting heat stroke myself.

It's JULY allready!

I got teary-eyed today taking Lola for her third walk. As I walked by a man sitting on his front stoop, strumming a little mandolin, I thought, I am finally home.

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